


Same As Always

by dipstick



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: (Minor)suicidal thoughts, Angst, Birthday, Depression, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Lazarus Pit, batfamily, bless alfred tho amiright, cuz Jay is full of angst the poor kid, this is really short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7790833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dipstick/pseuds/dipstick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>MY TABLET IS BROKEN SO INSTEAD OF DRAWING I WROTE SOMETHING FOR MY SON, I’M PROUD OF U JAYBIRB, HAPPY B DAY U PIECE OF SHIT ;-;</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same As Always

He felt it again. Just the common suicidal ideation of ‘what’s the point, another year of nothing’, what’s the point of any of it. He hadn’t seen Roy or Kori in months. His family, if he was even allowed to claim them as such, hadn’t spoken to him since the last time he flew off the rails. The pit had been resurfacing for the first time in over a year, leaving him rash, angry, restless. It had been weeks since he had fallen apart. He thought at least Tim would have had a case he needed help with. Or Dick might have come to check on him. Something. 

He didn’t like to admit he was lonely. Even when he had people in his life he felt so lonely. It was so hard to ever believe they actually cared. Why would they, after every screw up, after everything he had done. He was the black sheep, the mistake, the failure. It was hard to admit he hated himself enough to think no one could ever really love him. 

He decided to skip patrol, he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus properly that night. It was a bad day, he was getting worryingly a lot more recently ever since the pit reared its luminous green head again. The bad days that had used to come every other week had turned into bad weeks. No wonder the bats were avoiding him. 

He sat in his apartment, the one the family knew about. He didn’t have the energy in him to switch to one of his more secured safe houses. If someone attacked him tonight so be it. On some level he was hoping for it when someone knocked on his door. 

It was Alfred, carrying a plastic container. Wearing a crisp suit and a smile, same as always. 

“Good evening, master Jason." 

Jason stared dumbfounded, body unconsciously moving to allow Alfred to enter his apartment. 

"Master Jason, you just look dreadful! Have you been getting enough sleep? I know none of you sleep properly but at least make sure you don’t collapse on us,” he said as he began moving towards Jason’s Kitchen. 

“I’m fine, Alfie,” he was afraid to ask him why he was there. 

“The others will be arriving after patrol, they wanted to make it a surprise, but I know how much you dislike surprises.” Alfred said as he placed the container on the kitchen counter. 

“The others?” Jason asked, he hated that his voice sounded young. Reminded him how he sounded the first time he was injured on patrol. Alfred had to give him 12 stitches up the side of his arm. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from whispering 'it hurts, Alfie’.

Alfred looked at him questioningly. “Why of course your family, sir, I do believe that your 'Outlaw’ friends will be arriving in Gotham shortly as well." 

Jason couldn’t answer, just started at Alfred as he began to remove a cake from the container. It was Black Forest, his favourite. 

Alfred turned to look at him, "Master Jason? Are you quite alright?" 

"Huh?” Jason brought his hand to his face, it was wet. Tears coming from seemingly nowhere.

Alfred came and put his hand on his shoulder. Jason couldn’t stop himself from pulling the old man closer. Arms grasping around him. Alfred quickly returned the hug, holding on just as tightly. 

“It’s alright, Jason, you’re alright,” Alfred murmured softly. 

“I didn’t think anyone- It doesn’t get any easier, Alfie.” The tears were flowing freely now, soaking into the shoulder of Alfred’s coat. 

“That’s why you have others to help you, Jason, they are all here for you, so don’t you go anywhere." 

"I’ll try,” he whispered back. 

That night was spent with his family. He would allow himself to call them that. At least when they were there with him. 

At least when he knew that they loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,,,,, nice to see ya,,,, this is my first work on here and of course it's for Jason,, anyway feel free to hmu on my fandom blog or art blog on tumblr,,, love getting any DC prompts so feel free to send em my way,,, all I do is write bittersweet shit tho lmao rip
> 
>   
>  [My Art Blog](http://kalireyno.tumblr.com/t)   
> 
> 
>   
>  [Fandom Blog](http://adoptingrobins.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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